In 1920, a committee was formed to investigate allegations of the throwing of the 1919 world series by the Chicago White Sox. As “Shoeless” Joe Jackson – one of the most revered member of that infamous White Sox team – exited the hearing, a small young fan was waiting for Joe on the courthouse steps. The young boy, with tears in his eyes, looked at Shoeless Joe and uttered those now famous words, “Say it ain’t so, Joe. Say it ain’t so.” Joe never answered but his career was over.

Fast forward to opening night/morning, at 12:01 AM on May 2008. Nineteen years after the incredible, larger than life, Indiana Jones rode off into the sunset of my youth. Both of my boys and I, now loaded up with our large, double-butter popcorns and calorie balancing, extra-large diet cokes snuggled into our premium, center-screen seats. I was excited to be able to  share the excitement and suspense that I remembered from the big screen and that they had only been able to partially capture from a VHS tape playing over the 32-incher in the playroom. It was going to be GREAT!

Two hours later, all I could think of was, “Say it ain’t so, Indy. Say it ain’t so.” The old thrills, the suspense and the potential of believability that Harrison Ford, and now Shia LaBeouff, could maybe, possibly be performing the feats that were projected in front of us had flown right off the first of the three 500 foot waterfalls we’re supposed to believe they somehow survived and were pulverized on the rocks below. Not that I believed the drama of the past flicks, but at least one could speculate that maybe, possibly the strapping Dr. Jones could survive that fall you saw, the punch that big guy threw or that he really could have defeated that big muscular German soldier (thanks to a conveniently located propeller blade).

Don’t get me wrong, there were some interesting scenes and the special effects and cinematography were outstanding. In fact, if you were a young kid and had never seen the first three movies, you’d probably give this movie a “B”...because the appropriate number of fists and bullets fly, plus lots of stuff blows up. In fact, Indy walks away from an atomic blast with only a bruise or two, an army of monkeys follow Shia through the trees and attack the evil Commies and an army of man-eating ants go after those the monkeys miss. You also get to see ancient ruins, obstacle courses with the obligatory booby traps, and viscous, blowgun wielding natives.

The problem for most of us previous Indy fans is that it’s just not our Indiana Jones anymore. They’d make better use of the Harrison Ford footage in an AARP commercial or the Shia LaBeouff’s clips of his vine swinging antics in yet another remake of Tarzan. Add in the X-Files angle that’s introduced and you get...not a great movie.

However, your kids will probably go see this in the theaters or rent it when their really bored this summer, so you best do the same. And, looking at it from a glass half-full perspective, the fact that they go see this latest edition may open the door for you to show some clips and create some teachings from both the old Raiders and The Last Crusade editions, both of which are filled with teachable moments.

Here’s a quick look at the movie:

This Jones’s adventure is set in the late 1950s, and things are a little different. There is a huge fear of the Soviet Union and McCarthyism is in full swing. We find that Indy's been kidnapped by Russian spies, led by the evil Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett) who has an unnerving habit of flexing her gloved hands like my doctor does when he wants to do some invasive work. Spalko's a top Soviet agent who declares, "...I know things. I know them before anyone else. And what I do not know, I find out."

Driven by her desire for knowledge, Spalko uses Indy's brilliance to locate some buried treasure in a warehouse full of government secrets. She’s looking for the "mummified remains" of the aliens that were aboard the UFO that crashed in Roswell, New Mexico. She believes those remains will give her the ability to harness incredible psychic power that can be used to help the Soviets win the Cold War.

Indy, of course, escapes vis-à-vis the cover of a nuclear blast and returns to his classroom at Marshall University, where we learn that the last nineteen years have been a little tough on him. His friend Charles Stanforth (Jim Broadbent) says, "We've reached the age when life stops giving us things and starts taking them away.”  Stanforth, is referring to the death of Marcus Brody and of Indy’s father and the fact that Indy is now under suspicion of working with the communists.

Enter Mutt Williams (Shia LaBeouf), a young punk who looks like a cross between Marlon Brando and Elvis Presley. Mutt is a tough-talking, Harley-riding teenager with a comb and a switchblade always at the ready. He and Dr. Jones team-up for a high-speed pursuit through the halls of Indy’s now former university. During this chase, Mutt informs Indy that Harold Oxley (John Hurt), a close friend of both he and Indy’s, has been kidnapped while in search of the legendary Crystal Skull of Akator.

Then, we're off on in pursuit of Oxley in an airplane with the mandatory red line trailing across a vintage map from the US down to South America. As they begin their search, they explore the history and mysteries of the crystal skulls. (Yes, we learn there are more than one). Each clue leads us closer to answering the question, are these from “the gods” of ancient cultures, or from interplanetary visitors?

Strangely, the one true God that is a focal point in Raiders and The Last Crusade never gets brought up in this latest version. In fact, when Mutt gets upset by one of Indy's stories about the Mayans and how they distorted the shape of their children’s skulls to resemble the elongated craniums of their gods.  Mutt yells, “No, God's head is not like that." Indy then smiles and replies, "Depends on who your god is."

In the final act, the world begins to swirl in a vortex similar to the closing scene of The Mummy Returns. While the vortex removes all traces of the skulls, the secret they unlock and a hidden civilization, the poor writing and plot twists that we experience are mercifully buried along with them. And this viewer prays are never dredged up again. 

Teachable Opportunities:

Unlike the Ark of the Covenant in Raiders and the Holy Grail in Last Crusade, the skulls, don't symbolize anything good or virtuous.  However, the Soviets relentless pursuit of them does teach the same lesson that Raiders taught – That anything (other than Christ) pursued at all costs, ends in destruction.

Early in the movie, Indy tells Mutt there's nothing wrong with dropping out of school. Later, after he discovers that Mutt is his son, he changes his tune. Why?