There I was, looking at the Planned Parenthood clinic on the corner of LaSalle and Division—the corner that separates the haves of the Gold Coast from the remains of the have-nots in the Cabrini Green Housing Project. After years of passing the dark windowless Chicago building, I decided to go inside.

I walked into the foyer and saw a young African-American girl picking at a bag of corn chips with claw-length nails. Either she was escaping the blistering cold or was waiting for a friend. A buzzer and second security door separated me from the real lobby.

As I was let in, a young receptionist greeted me through a wall of bulletproof glass. When I explained that I wanted to get teen moms plugged in to a church, I was certain she’d push a buzzer that’d open a trap door and send me down a shoot into the sewer. (After all, if it weren’t for pro-life church groups, there wouldn’t be all this crazy security.) Instead the receptionist was helpful and, with a smile, gave me names and numbers I needed.

Before I departed, I looked around the secured windowless lobby at the clients, I didn’t see teens of color from the housing projects, but what looked like young college students, mostly Caucasian females, sitting by themselves about to make choices they couldn’t undo.

It underscored for me that unexpected pregnancy doesn’t affect one color, nor is one economic issue—and nor does it have one easy answer.

My 20-plus years of dealing with teen pregnancy has been full of the unexpected, from frustrations, misconceptions, and impossible dilemmas (e.g., “Do I bring home a teen mom and her baby after youth group even though I don’t have a car seat?”) I’ve struggled with my role of how to best help young teens moms. Is it to save them in the biblical sense of save—or to save them from having more pregnancies out of wedlock? I know the statistics too well: Even though low-income women are less likely than high-income women to end an unintended pregnancy by abortion, low-income women have many abortions because they have such a high rate of unintended pregnancy. (Source: Guttmacher Institute)

A Misconception about Conception
Just because I’m an advocate for teen-mom programming within faith- based organizations doesn’t mean I’m not frustrated with the reality. My blood boils when I see a teen mom swearing at her toddler or shoving a juice-filled bottle in her infant’s face on the subway. My heart cringes when I hear about a 13-year-old going to the emergency room ready to deliver, her arms full of stuffed animals. I’m at wits end figuring out what to say to a former youth group member with three babies from three different fathers, the third with no job or concern that she’s still married to father number two.

But I’m also angered at churches and organizations that claim to be pro-life are actually pro-fetus. We’ll put a scarlet letter “A” on the woman who has an abortion but won’t offer programs or acceptance to young women who do choose life. They’ll picket and point fingers, but that’s about it. Like Fryda’s church.

I met Fryda at a national conference in Miami where I conducted a workshop on teen pregnancy. Even though Latino teens have the highest pregnancy rates—an estimated 50 percent will get pregnant by the age of 20 (source: National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy), the room for my workshop was the size of a shoe box. I was furious. But the small size ended up being a God thing. Not being able to fit in the room, attendees spilled into the hallway. Loudspeakers were plugged in so everyone could hear. Countless other tuned into the message. One was a teen mom named Fryda.

Fryda grew in two-parent home in a Latino neighborhood in the Midwest. Her parents, being God-fearing Christians, thought they didn’t have to worry about Fryda and her sister getting pregnant because they grew up in the church. “They are good girls,” her parents said.

No unlike many parents’ reasoning: Because they spent so much time sitting through all those boring sermons, an angel would sweep down from the heavens and weld their daughters’ knees together. But in time, both Fryda and her sister got pregnant.

Fryda was 19 when she found out. She’d been planning to go to college, but her pregnancy changed the course of her life. Then Fryda hoped to find support at church.

“Some people were excited. Other people weren’t: ‘That baby is a sin.’ This made me sad.”

Fryda experienced the same frustration and rejection so many young girls do. She expected the church to be place to help and encourage her, and it wasn’t.

Flashback to My Embarrassing Story
I’ve witnessed the life-changing effects of 21 unplanned pregnancies. They resulted in 18 babies, one abortion, two miscarriages, only two marriages—and the most disheartening, 21 empty seats at church.

At first I thought the teen moms abandoned the church. But then I realized the church had abandoned them. We didn’t have programming or support groups to help them once they did choose life, even though our congregation was “pro-life.” The exodus of teen moms ignited the motivation for the things I do now, helping churches be better equipped to deal with unexpected pregnancies. For instance, do you have a baby shower or not? How does the teen fit into youth group—or doesn’t she? How do you prepare her for her new role in life? Another thing I do is just encourage those dealing with pregnant teens and new teen mothers.

Discouraging
Many youth leaders I’ve met who work with teen parent groups are discouraged. According to the Barna Group, this young generation is nine times more likely than Baby Boomers to have engaged in sex outside of marriage (38 percent v. 4 percent, August 25, 2008, Barna Group). This gets dedicated youth leaders to talk about a subject they never thought they would—birth control.

Amanda works with a faith-based teen parent organization on the West Coast, running an after-school program for teen parents at her local high school, teaching life-skills to unchurched girls. “It’s discouraging,” she told me. “How do you tell a teen mom who’s living with her boyfriend—at her mom’s house yet—not to have sex?” The national Christian organization that pays Amanda’s salary has an “abstinence only” policy. While many of the girls Amanda works with have grown up in the church, they haven’t experienced life-changing transformations that come from a relationship with Christ. So Amanda admits her big no-no: Talking to them about birth control. She wonders if she’s doing the “Christian thing” by offering common-sense advice, meeting the young moms where they are instead of viewing the situation through the lens of one moral code.

Amanda believes many of these girls are trapped: “They don’t have the means to change their circumstances.” I share her sentiment. It’s easy for someone who’s experienced a lifetime of privilege to tell these girls to leave their boyfriends and find good jobs, but it isn’t that easy, especially when they have another mouth to feed...and no place to go. Amanda wanted to bring the girls to her church but knew it could be uncomfortable for them. “People will make comments about them,” she explained. “Their sin is out there for everyone to see.” The Adoption Option The movie Juno made adoption seem so easy. In all my years of urban youth ministry, I have yet to work with a mom who chose adoption for her child, even when it seemed like the best option for the child. Vicki is a single mom I know. She’s homeless, and a recovering alcoholic and addict. Vicki recently got pregnant, exchanging sex for a place to sleep with an abusive man. This is her fourth child. In spite of her life choices, I love Vicki and meet with her often. We were in a coffee shop when she told me the news of her pregnancy. But instead of having two listening ears, I was openly angry, blowing more steam than the Cappuccino machine. Knowing Vicki’s situation, how she was a regular at soup kitchens and recently sleeping in a garage, I suggested adoption. Vicki looked at me and answered “No, this baby will make me more responsible.”

Is it your job to help the baby grow up or the baby’s job to help you grow up? I thought.

Vicki isn’t alone in the belief that a baby will solve problems. Young pregnant girls I’ve worked with thought motherhood would bring them love, make them more responsible, or strengthen their relationships with their babies’ fathers. Their babies are their hope.

Madeline, who works with teen moms in Miami, has experienced the same resistance to adoption. Madeline and her husband adopted a few children of their own, who are now full grown. When bringing up adoption to the single young moms she works with in Miami, she finds it’s totally off their radar screens. She believes in many ways having an abortion is more acceptable to these young ladies and their cultures than giving up their children to adoption. Madeline knew a young woman who had twins as a result of rape and gave them up for adoption. Madeline invited her to share her story with the other teenage moms she works with. “They crucified her!” she recalls.

Madeline believes it’s embedded within some ethnic groups that giving up a baby is a bad thing, in spite of the new reforms around adoption. (Women who consider adoption are disproportionately white, have higher education and income levels, higher future career and educational aspirations, and a strong preference for adoption—Miller & Coyl, 2000.) Today birth moms who relinquish their children can have visitation, write letters, and be a part of the child’s life.

Abstinence Only, Sort Of
“When you don’t know who you are, and what your purpose is in life, you believe the lies of the culture; you believe that you need all these things, including a baby, to be someone special.”—Nicole King, Common Ground, Alabama

Kareem Manuel grew up in the wild hundreds of Chicago’s south side, one of the five roughest neighborhoods in the city. Kareem had a life-changing experience with Christ at the age of 14 and was able to stay sexual pure until he got married in his early twenties. He now works with Vision Nehemiah in Chicago’s Garfield Park, a neighborhood notorious for staggeringly high teenage HIV and pregnancy rates. Kareem regularly talks with tough kids about “not wrapping it up.”

“We don’t want to teach kids to do wrong safely.”

Kareem knows sex outside of marriage isn’t what God intended or desires. “Under no circumstances do I feel we can compromise,” he says. Kareem believes that teaching birth control to these kids is the equivalent of supplying drug users with clean needles. But Kareem also believes you can’t teach abstinence outside the context of God’s plan. “It just is crazy,” he says.

And Kareem won’t back down from his view that the Christian mission isn’t to protect young teens from having babies—it’s to get them to experience the glorious God who created the heavens and the earth.

Others I know couldn’t disagree more. One such church from a conservative part of the country often works with Planned Parenthood, which offers HIV testing, STD education, and peer-on-peer teaching about parenting. While there are some issues that this church and Planned Parenthood may never agree on, they both agree that helping teen moms is important.

Unexpected Ideas
If your church or program wants to help out, start by reaching out to other places a pregnant teen may encounter (ex: local high schools, hospitals other churches, crisis pregnancy centers, Catholic charities). Together, you can collaborate on services that meet unexpected needs without duplicating efforts. Start with contacting your local crisis pregnancy center. A free pregnancy test is only the beginning of what they offer. They provide counseling, mentors, and support groups for young moms as well as those who’ve had abortions. CPCs are also a great resource for speakers to encourage teen moms while discouraging teen pregnancy.

School’s the Rule
Don’t learn this lesson the hard way: less than half of mothers (40 percent) who have a child before they turn 18 ever graduate from high school (source: National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy). Contact your local high school to see if they have special classes for teen moms and offer the people and resources from your church. Offer free babysitting while they study in your church one night a week. Offer to donate special gifts for young ladies who finish school.

Live Out Titus 2
Titus 2 encourages mature women to teach younger women how to love their children and future husbands. Likewise, it teaches the older men to train the younger. Start a mommy mentoring program to encourage the new moms at your church. After all, babies don’t come with owner manuals. You might know a few moms in your congregation whose lives weren’t a bed of roses, but were poked by a few thorns that drew them closer to God. They’ll have X-ray vision seeing needs of these young moms that you do not, while encouraging them to grow in Christ.

Life-Changing Transportation
Young moms might have the desire to show up for programming, but not the wheels to get there. So why not recruit volunteer drivers? One driver can change three lives: The mom’s life, her child’s life, and the father’s life. Make sure the driver has car seats.

Post It!
Programming won’t do much good if nobody knows about it. Keep information regarding pregnancy services where it’s easy to find. Have a link on your website to your local crisis pregnancy center. Remember that designated doodling area on the back page of your Sunday bulletin? It’s a great place to put info about becoming a mommy mentor. Be sure to put a poster in the women’s lounge regarding these programs and services. That way, pregnant teens (or their parents) will know about your trusted programs.

Form a Plan—Now
Don’t wait until the unexpected happens. Discuss with your staff what you will do if a teen in your program gets pregnant. That way, you won’t be caught like a deer in headlights when it does. Depending on your church’s size and location, your plan will take shape. Every plan needs to address: Will she stay in youth group? What about the baby dedication? What about the father? And what about you? Make sure your plan not only cares for the pregnant teen, but staff members as well.

Grace on Board!
National Outreach organizations now have divisions that specialize in young parent outreach. They include but are not limited to Youth For Christ, Young Lives and Teen MOPS. Find out if they offer programming in your area, attach your church to it, and offer to help.

Forgive Her, Forgive Yourself
If a teen gets pregnant, it’s normal to feel like a failure. So, close the door for a day, give yourself a pity party, and then spend time thinking about what you did right.

According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, one out of every three females will get pregnant once before the age of 20. Two of those three will drop out of high school—but three out of three churches can help! So when a teen tells you the news, focus on how the fact that she feels comfortable enough to tell you in the first place. Focus on the fact that she didn’t choose abortion, she didn’t leave the church and she didn’t turn her back on God. She chose life, and she chose you to help her sort things out.

Now the real ministry kicks in.