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It’s a Both-And Thing
- By Grant English
- Published 12/20/2007
- Theological Themes
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Grant English
Grant English is the associate pastor of student ministries at Pinecrest Community Church in Parker, Colorado. He’s a 16-year student ministry veteran with experiences in Texas, Kansas, Arkansas, and Colorado. If he’s not skiing or blogging, he’s saving the universe on his Xbox.
View all articles by Grant EnglishThe False Dichotomy between Events and Relationships
Stick around student ministry long enough and somebody will ask you something like this: Are you an event pastor or a relationship pastor?
Most of the time the question is asked in a way that lets you know which kind of pastor you ought to be. If you’ve ever interviewed with a church, someone will ask the question thinking it’s a great question. I even used to think it was a great question. But in actuality, it’s a ridiculously poor question. It unnecessarily polarizes people. But more importantly, it misses a much larger picture of ministry.
To be fair, I’ve been the world’s worst (or best, depending upon your point of view) critic of event-based ministry. Part of that’s due to the Gen-X/postmodern culture I’ve grown up in. We’re the jaded generation that’s suspicious of everything corporate and big. We’re anti- whatever produces the slightest whiff of megachuch.
Most of my criticism, though, came from a darker place—jealousy. I’ve never been in a church with the resources to pull off a huge event. Plus, it made me feel superior and more spiritually mature to question the motives and practices of others whose ministries revolved around the church calendar. I never did the hard work of asking “why these events?” and “how do they fit the overall mission of the church?” The older I got, the more I realized that doing ministry in the context of an ever-changing youth culture turned out to be much more complicated than I’d originally thought.
A False Dichotomy
Many more of us should admit that for years we’ve been drawing these philosophical lines in the sand concerning student ministry: The “event-driven, memorable experience-driven, keep-the-calendar full” ministry is on one side, and the “relationship-driven, discipleship-driven, small group-based” ministry is on the other. How many churches experience the trauma of staff disunity because the youth pastor and senior pastor get sideways over their expectations? One wants a relational youth ministry; the other wants an events-driven youth ministry; and a church and a youth group are caught in the middle.
It’s not just about local church conflict, either. Entire ministries are built around one philosophy combating the other. I’ve attended youth pastor conferences selling me small group-based ministry as THE WAY to do ministry because “that’s how Jesus did it.” I’ve attended other conferences selling me events because that’s what reaches our culture.
I’ve also been frustrated coming home after big student-oriented events with thousands of teenagers in a stadium and having no way to harness their emotional high. Some of that was my fault; I wasn’t mature enough to tie the event to something more long-term. Some of it wasn’t my fault. The vast majority of stadium events are designed to stir up the hormones “for Jesus” with no real vision for long-term, Kingdom-building ministry. After 16 years of student ministry, I’m in a place to frame those events with my youth ministry so that the long-term ministry gets the emphasis. But it took me a long time to get there.
Along the way, with the help of other veteran youth workers, I discovered a novel approach to events—a “both-and” philosophy.
Small Groups and Big Events
Jesus had his disciples (a small group), and they studied the Scriptures and prayed and worshiped together. Relationship-based ministry at its best. There’s no escaping the primacy of the small group when we investigate the ministry of Jesus. They did life together, they held each other accountable, and they applied God’s Word to their real world. They were “in each other’s stuff” and were being changed by Jesus as a result.
They also lived through events together. A lot of them. The wedding at Cana, Passover, the Festival of Lights, the Festival of Booths, family reunions, funerals, and civic gatherings. Most of Jesus’ sermons and conflicts with religious leaders took place at these events.
It’s unfair to say that the events were just window dressing for Jesus’ ministry, too. Would his statement, “I am the light of world,” have had the same impact if he’d said it at Passover as opposed to the Festival of Lights? These events played a strategic role in Jesus carrying out his mission. They were pieces of the puzzle of spiritual transformation. It was around these events that discipleship took place. Jesus capitalized on these events and turned them into spiritual markers for his followers. That should be the aim of every youth worker—to turn events into spiritual markers.
Therein are the two extremes we’d be wise to avoid: Life-on-life, relational, small group ministry that never intersects “real life” with “real spirituality” could turn us into isolationists. It could send the message, “The world is bad, any event is bad, and walking with Jesus is serious stuff only for the elite.” Event-based ministry could turn us into Christian mountaintop junkies who never translate those experiences into long-term life change—which is the heart of the gospel.
Both extremes were critiqued and avoided by Jesus. We should do likewise.
So how do we walk the “both-and” road?
1. Plan your events with hang times.
Don’t plan every minute of every hour. Plan downtime and show other adults how to engage relationally with students. Get a coffee, have a random question that everyone has to answer—consume that downtime with relationship-building.
2. Point out the not-so-obvious “God moments.”
During the first six months I worked at my current church, I took the youth group on a ski trip. We started the trip without much to bond us together, but by the last night of the trip the entire group hung out, played games, laughed, and prayed together. Before we went to bed, I asked them, “What happened here tonight?” Silence. Then I walked them through the week and the transformation we experienced—how we became a community that cared for each other. We turned a ski trip into a spiritual marker.
3. Celebrate the flubs.
During every trip, during every event, something goes wrong. Don’t stress over it. Point it out to all and laugh about it. Of course we want to learn from our mistakes, but we can use them as spiritual markers as well.
4. Do the event small-group style.
I used to make sure everyone hung out with everyone on every trip. Good intention, bad result. Now when we take a trip or attend an event, I have our small groups go together as groups. I let them stay in the same room, ride in the same car, sit together. It gives them confidence that they can be vulnerable quickly, invite their friends, and hang out the whole time. It also lets adult volunteers go deep with them quicker.
5. Frame the event.
What do you want to see God do through the event—and after the event? Plan events within the context of other part of your ongoing student ministry, then use the event as a springboard for your overall purposes. Then evaluate to see if that happened.
6. Let your calendar breathe.
We have four major events a year and plan them out about a year in advance. The rest of the calendar has breathing room for our small groups to plan their own events and invite others to them. A paintball weekend, a camping trip, a day at the spa, a night at the homeless shelter, working VBS, whatever. When events are done similarly, it’s the best of both worlds.
Most of the time the question is asked in a way that lets you know which kind of pastor you ought to be. If you’ve ever interviewed with a church, someone will ask the question thinking it’s a great question. I even used to think it was a great question. But in actuality, it’s a ridiculously poor question. It unnecessarily polarizes people. But more importantly, it misses a much larger picture of ministry.
To be fair, I’ve been the world’s worst (or best, depending upon your point of view) critic of event-based ministry. Part of that’s due to the Gen-X/postmodern culture I’ve grown up in. We’re the jaded generation that’s suspicious of everything corporate and big. We’re anti- whatever produces the slightest whiff of megachuch.
Most of my criticism, though, came from a darker place—jealousy. I’ve never been in a church with the resources to pull off a huge event. Plus, it made me feel superior and more spiritually mature to question the motives and practices of others whose ministries revolved around the church calendar. I never did the hard work of asking “why these events?” and “how do they fit the overall mission of the church?” The older I got, the more I realized that doing ministry in the context of an ever-changing youth culture turned out to be much more complicated than I’d originally thought.
A False Dichotomy
Many more of us should admit that for years we’ve been drawing these philosophical lines in the sand concerning student ministry: The “event-driven, memorable experience-driven, keep-the-calendar full” ministry is on one side, and the “relationship-driven, discipleship-driven, small group-based” ministry is on the other. How many churches experience the trauma of staff disunity because the youth pastor and senior pastor get sideways over their expectations? One wants a relational youth ministry; the other wants an events-driven youth ministry; and a church and a youth group are caught in the middle.
It’s not just about local church conflict, either. Entire ministries are built around one philosophy combating the other. I’ve attended youth pastor conferences selling me small group-based ministry as THE WAY to do ministry because “that’s how Jesus did it.” I’ve attended other conferences selling me events because that’s what reaches our culture.
I’ve also been frustrated coming home after big student-oriented events with thousands of teenagers in a stadium and having no way to harness their emotional high. Some of that was my fault; I wasn’t mature enough to tie the event to something more long-term. Some of it wasn’t my fault. The vast majority of stadium events are designed to stir up the hormones “for Jesus” with no real vision for long-term, Kingdom-building ministry. After 16 years of student ministry, I’m in a place to frame those events with my youth ministry so that the long-term ministry gets the emphasis. But it took me a long time to get there.
Along the way, with the help of other veteran youth workers, I discovered a novel approach to events—a “both-and” philosophy.
Small Groups and Big Events
Jesus had his disciples (a small group), and they studied the Scriptures and prayed and worshiped together. Relationship-based ministry at its best. There’s no escaping the primacy of the small group when we investigate the ministry of Jesus. They did life together, they held each other accountable, and they applied God’s Word to their real world. They were “in each other’s stuff” and were being changed by Jesus as a result.
They also lived through events together. A lot of them. The wedding at Cana, Passover, the Festival of Lights, the Festival of Booths, family reunions, funerals, and civic gatherings. Most of Jesus’ sermons and conflicts with religious leaders took place at these events.
It’s unfair to say that the events were just window dressing for Jesus’ ministry, too. Would his statement, “I am the light of world,” have had the same impact if he’d said it at Passover as opposed to the Festival of Lights? These events played a strategic role in Jesus carrying out his mission. They were pieces of the puzzle of spiritual transformation. It was around these events that discipleship took place. Jesus capitalized on these events and turned them into spiritual markers for his followers. That should be the aim of every youth worker—to turn events into spiritual markers.
Therein are the two extremes we’d be wise to avoid: Life-on-life, relational, small group ministry that never intersects “real life” with “real spirituality” could turn us into isolationists. It could send the message, “The world is bad, any event is bad, and walking with Jesus is serious stuff only for the elite.” Event-based ministry could turn us into Christian mountaintop junkies who never translate those experiences into long-term life change—which is the heart of the gospel.
Both extremes were critiqued and avoided by Jesus. We should do likewise.
So how do we walk the “both-and” road?
1. Plan your events with hang times.
Don’t plan every minute of every hour. Plan downtime and show other adults how to engage relationally with students. Get a coffee, have a random question that everyone has to answer—consume that downtime with relationship-building.
2. Point out the not-so-obvious “God moments.”
During the first six months I worked at my current church, I took the youth group on a ski trip. We started the trip without much to bond us together, but by the last night of the trip the entire group hung out, played games, laughed, and prayed together. Before we went to bed, I asked them, “What happened here tonight?” Silence. Then I walked them through the week and the transformation we experienced—how we became a community that cared for each other. We turned a ski trip into a spiritual marker.
3. Celebrate the flubs.
During every trip, during every event, something goes wrong. Don’t stress over it. Point it out to all and laugh about it. Of course we want to learn from our mistakes, but we can use them as spiritual markers as well.
4. Do the event small-group style.
I used to make sure everyone hung out with everyone on every trip. Good intention, bad result. Now when we take a trip or attend an event, I have our small groups go together as groups. I let them stay in the same room, ride in the same car, sit together. It gives them confidence that they can be vulnerable quickly, invite their friends, and hang out the whole time. It also lets adult volunteers go deep with them quicker.
5. Frame the event.
What do you want to see God do through the event—and after the event? Plan events within the context of other part of your ongoing student ministry, then use the event as a springboard for your overall purposes. Then evaluate to see if that happened.
6. Let your calendar breathe.
We have four major events a year and plan them out about a year in advance. The rest of the calendar has breathing room for our small groups to plan their own events and invite others to them. A paintball weekend, a camping trip, a day at the spa, a night at the homeless shelter, working VBS, whatever. When events are done similarly, it’s the best of both worlds.
