Longevity-something every rookie youth pastor strives to achieve in only one church during his or her lifetime.

Our first jobs often find ourselves dreaming of seeing the toddlers graduate from high school during the time we’re there. We often look to the veterans-the Duffy Robbinses and the Walt Marcums of the world-and remain in awe of them, wanting to find out exactly what they did to maintain their longevity in youth ministry. Most of our kids’ parents, as well as our friends, are waiting for us to get “real jobs.” And sometimes we are just trying to maintain.

So what’s the secret to all those that have maintained a long life span in ministry? After 14 years in youth ministry, I find that I have finally begun to prioritize things, as I often find myself questioning, “how long can I maintain?”

A Family Affair
As our live-stages change, so do our ministries. For some, that means getting married, and for others that means adding babies to the mix. For others, that means adding grandkids or becoming empty nesters.

I think “Balancing Babies and Student Ministry” should be a course at one of those beloved youth ministry conventions, though I have yet to come across anyone who has it down to a science. It’s a constant juggling act to decide when to get a sitter and when to bring the baby. How involved is your spouse? Is he or she your number one volunteer? Do you lose your volunteer base when a baby arrives in the house? Is your church willing to hire the sitter of your choice for you during youth events/retreats/Bible study? Are you willing to have a sitter?

Maybe this is easier if your spouse isn’t heavily involved in your ministry, but many of our spouses are major players. And when you add a little ankle biter to the mix, it definitely alters the dynamics. You know which of your students you want to baby-sit and which ones you hope will never even think of touching your beloved offspring, but how can you pull a student out of a youth meeting simply to baby-sit your child? That’s why it’s important to begin planning for this situation during the gestation period.

On many family-style retreats (beach trips, ski trips, etc.) our whole family goes (with the exception of our oldest daughter and her husband—they’re too old for youth group). The rest of our family includes Michaleh, age 13, and Joshua, age 6. (Nothing like spacing ’em out a bit.) My husband spends quality time alone with the little guy during Bible studies and quiet times, but during the rest of the event, he’s right there among us.

This allows the youth to see how our family operates. With today’s divorce rate and single parent rate, many of our kids haven’t seen many healthy parent-child relationships, much less healthy marriages.

Other youth events, Bible studies, Sunday school, lunches, youth gatherings, etc., are entirely off limits to the little guy. But our middle one is one of the youth, which brings up another longevity issue we will have to explore another time.

Familial Balancing Acts
Whatever the life situation is for you outside of ministry, it is important that we seek appropriate balance in our lives. If we exploit or abuse our families, we “inherit wind” (Proverbs 11:29). We should put as much time into our families as we do our ministries.

If left unchecked, I can easily plan just about any kind of trip or event for the youth and the church, but then when it comes to planning birthdays, vacations, and family-related events, I used to let those details slide. I’d let my family down because I was too busy focusing on the details of the upcoming girls retreat. As I mature in ministry, I recognize the need to invest as much time into my own kids as I do with other people’s kids.

I also have to be just as intentional about finding balance within my family as I do in my ministry. After all, we wouldn’t break out the laptop during a spiritual retreat with our students to check myspace or facebook; so why would we do that with our families on their day to enjoy us? When we a healthy balance, it’ll help us develop longevity in ministry.

Friends on the Journey
If you can avoid burnout, then you can achieve the longevity part. Funny how those two are dependent on each other. After 14 years of ministry with young people, moving into my mid-40s, and learning that we are having a grandbaby soon, I have examined the burnout issue quite a bit this past year. In all honesty, I’ve examined burnout issues every year I’ve been in ministry, and it usually begins to hit me around October.

For some reason, my burnout issues begin when the pumpkins arrive on our church lawn (which for some reason, someone thought would make a great youth fundraiser). October is also a time of youth ministry conventions—which has been one of my most effective cures for youth ministry burnout.

That worked well until these past three years, when burnout hit more frequently than just once per year. So I began to surround myself with other godly people, besides just the staff and volunteers I worked with in ministry. I knew I needed to find at least one other person I could confide in about my concerns and feelings (other than my spouse, too—I figure he’s heard enough from me about all this stuff).

I needed to find a prayerful soul to meet with at least once per month who will dedicate time to pray for me. Knowing there’s someone helping me seek God’s desire for me and my ministry, whether or not he or she understands all of my angst and anxiety, has been live-saving for me. And this is someone who won’t go and repeat what I share with volunteers, parents, or the senior pastor.

Supportive Leadership
Speaking of senior pastors, some of them are barriers to longevity, as well. Those with workaholic tendencies who expect our entire lives to revolve around committee meetings and office hours can drive us to unhealthy rhythms that aren’t sustainable for the long haul. I had one of those, and I had to find a different place to serve or suffer from complete burnout fatality.

I’m grateful that my current church allows me, almost requires me, to find the balance with ministry and family. I’m allowed to make all those special class plays and recitals of both my kids; I’m allowed to take off whenever one of them is sick; and I’m not required to be in my office just to satisfy a control-freak boss. I meet regularly with my pastor, but he allows me a great deal of freedom to follow God’s leading in the student ministry. Not only that, but he regularly encourages me to take time away from programs and events to attend to my own soul and to my family.

Youth ministry veteran Jim Burns sits down with his wife to look at the calendar together before he ever books a speaking engagement, retreat, or other event, and he says that she holds the veto power. They have agreed that he will only be out of the house two nights a week to do ministry. I’ve finally paired mine down to that as well, which includes any meetings I have to attend. I won’t schedule meetings on family game night either; that is a non-negotiable. And I am blessed to have a church leadership that supports this priority.

Work Hard, Rest Well
Discernment is vital to sustaining our ministries—discernment about whether we are experiencing being called to something else, somewhere else, or whether we are simply exhausted and need a break. Keeping an intentional Sabbath is part of the discernment process. If we cannot take time to be quiet and alone with God, how can we ever expect to figure out whether or not we are balancing our relationships with God, our family, and our ministries?

The term Sabbath or Sabbat is originally derived from the Hebrew Shābath, meaning “to rest.” God ordained the Sabbath as part of the original creation process. God rested on the Sabbath, blessing and sanctifying it. The Sabbath and the family were both instituted in Eden, and in God's purpose they are perpetually linked together. It is God's plan for the members of the family to be associated in work and study, in worship and recreation.

We are called to work hard. Student ministry can be complex, challenging, and time-consuming. There is much to be done. But we’re called to rest, as well. When we don’t take time for Sabbath, then frankly we shouldn’t be surprised when we start to burn out.

Communication and Collective Discernment
Our goals for long-term student ministry should be collectively discerned by our families as well as our volunteers, pastor, and church leadership. To that end, we must communicate effectively and often with all of the ministry stakeholders.

If my vision for my life and ministry is different from that of my spouse, my pastor, my volunteers, the kids’ parents, or the staff-parish committee or church board, then I’m like a “house divided,” and I can’t hope to stay in this long-haul. One of my biggest roles is to openly, honestly communicate our shared vision—and my personal role within that vision—to all of the stakeholders so we’re moving in the same direction and sharing similar expectations.

When I do that, parents don’t expect me to miss my own child’s class play to show up at the high school basketball game or to sacrifice my own sanity or family relationships to tend to an exhaustive student ministry calendar.

When we take the time to develop a ministry to young people that allows us to tend to our souls and our families, as well as the students in our groups, that brings honor and glory to God. This positions us well for longevity in student ministry that Duffy Robbins and Walt Marcum will admire as well.