The only time I really ever talked to Mike Yaconelli (a man I thought of as the unofficial “godfather of youth ministry”) was the night we met for tacos and french fries.

He was flying into town to speak, and he graciously offered to hang out with me for a few minutes. I’d been pounding him with e-mail requests about a book idea I had, so I was pretty selfish about meeting with him. I vividly remember the night I stood in baggage claim waiting for him to grab his bag before we left the terminal.

I watched Mike in baggage claim and wondered: Why does this super human youth worker have holes in his sleeves? Why can’t he find his bag quicker? Why does he look so tired? Why isn’t he taller? My introduction to super-human youth ministry was an awkward one.

This will probably sound horribly disingenuous, but in all truthfulness, Mike was my hero. From what I’d read in his articles and book, and from what he’d written to me about ministry ideas and philosophy, I was enamored with his ability to motivate youth workers and his passion for Jesus. And all I was really looking for from Mike was acceptance. I wanted so much for him to look across the table and just say the words: “Idea accepted.” I would have been thrilled, and I even would have bought his tacos.

What I got was something so very different. Mike asked one simple question: “So, how’s the ministry going?” and I became somewhat undone. Poor guy—I let him have it. The whole deal. How unhappy I was in my ministry position. How I hated life where I was. How things were going from difficult to horrible. I vomited everything. And he listened.

And, before long, after a few attempts at trying to offer some advice, Mike looked at me and very passionately said, “Youth ministry needs people like you. Keep going. Don’t quit.”

I imagine he’d spoken those words a hundred times to just as many tired and broken youth workers. But on that day, those words felt like they were for me alone. They provided fuel for me to keep going, and they’re the words I’ve felt God whisper over and over to me, inviting me to continue working with students even when it feels too difficult to continue.

What does it take to keep going in the ministry when our souls are too tired to surrender any more spirituality? Or when our bodies are too worn out to plan another event?

The Big Picture
Youth leaders are passionate, and that’s good. But passion also has its liabilities. Too often we fail to notice that student ministry is a just a part of how God has called us. Mine is not the only important ministry in my church. My church doesn’t possess the only important youth ministry in our town.

This is where our passion often gets the best of us. Our rhetoric, packed with phrases such as “The leaders of tomorrow” and “The future of the church,” leads us to believe that while God may like other ministries, God loves youth ministry—and, what’s more, while God uses others to reach the lost and teach the believers, God needs youth workers. Some of us have come to believe that because of the importance of our calling, we’re part of an elite class of workers ordained by God to do a special work for God is somehow a higher calling than other ministries.

Youth ministry is too important to be relegated into the stratosphere of the snotty. An important and essential aspect to staying as long as God has called us in youth work is realizing that God’s plan is bigger than us, bigger than our ministries, and bigger than our students. We are privileged to do this work, and we ought to respond to that privilege by asking how our ministries fit in with other ministries growing alongside ours.

Honesty
The first time I was certain about my call into student ministry, I was young, thin, and idealistic. I admired men and women who had worked with students for 20 years. I would look at those folks and imagine myself 20 years later. Would I be that cool? Would I be that old, and still that much fun to be around? I had huge ministry dreams, but it was all based on watching cool people.

To be honest, looking back, that “call” feels kind of flimsy, doesn’t it? Maybe God uses all sorts of things within us to draw us into where God wants to use us, but I’m learning that God’s call to work with students didn’t involve the entirety of my life. Sometimes God calls us for a season because we’re the right age or temperament, but that doesn’t mean we’re called forever.

Staying in student ministry after you’re called out of it is like taking a huge drink from a long-expired jug of milk. If you stay in too long, not only will you stink but also the ministry will get sick. Some of us truly are called to work with young people vocationally for our entire lives. Others of us aren’t, but we still push it and stay too long. We fail to look honestly at our selves—who we are, how we’ve changed, where we’ve grown, or, how God has changed our hearts.

Sometimes, youth ministries don’t suffer because a church doesn’t appreciate the youth worker or because the youth worker is overworked, but rather it suffers because the youth worker’s effectiveness ended long ago and the person who used to be so effective has become the ministry killer.

It’s no greater success if you’re called to stay in youth ministry. It’s also no great failure if you’re called out. I can’t imagine God loving us more if we give the entire scope of our lives to students. I also can’t imagine God loving us less if we obey the call to leave.

Discernment
If you stick around in student ministry for very long, you’ll hear the tale of the youth worker who got verbally socked in the gut by the angry dad or the frustrated mom, or even, the power-hungry kid; and then mysteriously felt the call to leave student ministry. Combine the normal stress of ministry with any trauma, and it’s way easier to rely on the mysterious “call of God” instead of facing the stress, discouragement, or anger.

If you’ve been blasted by an angry parent or a power-hungry coworker, you’re well aware of the uncontrollable desire to totally flee the moment and move a thousand miles away. But, you can’t always run, hide, yell back, duck behind the copier, or become invisible. And, since you can’t do those things, sometimes the next best thing is to blame God. You get blasted and then magically there’s this feeling that God has called you to another ministry. I mean, why in the world would God call you to experience something so horrible again?

The key idea here is discernment. Perhaps you messed up and could use some correction. Perhaps a kick in the seat was just what you needed. Running isn’t always the right decision. There’s something to be said for facing things head on. Sometimes difficulties help us grow more fully into God’s image.

Let’s help break the cycle of: Youth leader gets discouraged…youth leader cries and worries about God’s call…youth leader “hears from God” about another ministry...church throws a going away party…everyone cries…youth leader leaves…rumors spread…and the cycle continues again with a new hire.

Square Peg, Round Hole
I served a church once that had been run ragged by one pastor’s love for “success.” He bought whatever prepackaged program he could find and adopted it for the church. He spent years running the congregation through these programs, and in the end everyone suffered. When he left, the congregation spent several years resting and recovering, and no one in the church ever wanted to try any new programming again for a long time.

These days, almost every ministry leader has something for sale. And, they’re selling because we’re buying…and adopting…and dreaming about the success we’ll likely have. Stop and consider why things work in specific ministry situations. It’s often because God has assembled the right leader and combined that person with other God-called leaders and placed those people in the body of believers that God has assembled. Principles do often transfer outside these specific situations, but that doesn’t mean success will also transfer.

I’ve met enough youth pastors who were either trying to mimic another popular national youth ministry brand, or trying to imitate another local ministry’s success. The problem with the flash in the pan is that it usually leaves burn marks. Youth leaders are often scathingly irrelevant because we’re trying too hard to be someone else, lead like someone else, or imitate the ministry of someone else.

Those interested in long-haul ministry must honestly exegete the culture where they are, evaluate the leaders or potential leaders that are available, assess the indigenous student population, and make strategic ministry plans that fit that context.

Acting Our Ages
Have you ever noticed the 40-year-old guy talking with students as if he’s a 15-year-old whose parents have just let him out of his house alone for the first time? How about the 35-year-old woman who’s still dressing like she’s “one of the girls?” I often wonder if the “call” some youth leaders “hear” into youth ministry is one related to their lost childhood or a desire to keep a hold of something they wish they didn’t have to grow out of. Sometimes, student ministry becomes a haven for those who long for their childhood.

I get it. Hanging out with students does make us feel younger. It makes us want to try and keep up with the latest music and movies. But there’s a spiral effect: The more we hang out with them, and the more we learn about their culture, the more like their culture we tend to become. The more that happens, we can get drawn into talking and acting more like students than adults.

Our ages (and maturity levels) determine our teaching roles (as a pastor vs. as an older sibling, for instance); age plays out in the role you take on trips (the trip clown, the group counselor, or the valiant leader); age even defines the scope of who you are as a leader (the old ministry sage or the young hip event planner). The roles we take on in the ministries we lead change with our age.

We have to be willing to honestly look at our age and think meaningfully about how our age affects the students we’re leading. The students who show up for youth meetings don’t need a new best friend or someone who’s attempting to live in two worlds to try and get attention from his or her younger “peers.” They need what we have been called to be: The God-placed person who is in tune with their world…but in tune so that we can speak truth to them in a way they can understand.

Sexuality
Sadly, I’ve known too many people who have allowed their sexuality to run their lives and who have allowed it to wreck their ministry to students. I feel like someone’s prudish grandfather saying that, but it’s the truth. I’m really, really tired of the stories about youth workers who allow their desires to cloud their judgment, and I’m sick of reading news stories of peers who have taken advantage of younger kids.

Those of us entrusted with the spiritual oversight of young people are also called to help them protect their sexuality. In fact, I believe that we’re in the unique position to both teach and model healthy sexual ideas and behavior for students. Therefore, we should be extra careful about how we refer to the opposite sex, what movies we chose to watch with our students, how we talk about our spouses, what music we listen to or play at student events. That should also encompass how we govern our sexuality in private: What movies we rent, where we surf on the Internet, and even our thought lives.

We must also be careful with our eyes. Frankly, some youth workers get googly-eyed over the attractive teenagers in their ministries, and that’s not a good thing. We need to have healthy boundaries that keep us from being tempted to cross lines we should never cross, and we need people in our lives with whom we can honestly share any struggles we have in that area. And above all, we should provide healthy models of singleness or marriage relationships—for many of our students, it may be one of very few good models they see.

Want to stay in youth ministry for the long haul? Guard your own sexuality, and guard the sexuality of your kids.

Spiritual Starvation
My typical week is filled with tons of opportunities to teach Scripture. Last year, our Sunday schools were spent in an inductive study of James. The high school Bible class was deeply studying the Gospel of John. I was leading a college class through a survey of biblical literature while leading another class in principles of biblical hermeneutics and leading a group of high school seniors through a worldview class.

Whew! Honestly, it was way too much. With all of that study prep and teaching time, I got tired of reading the Bible. When I did have time to sit down and study the Bible, I honestly didn’t feel like I needed to because I’d been studying it all week.

Imagine you’re a chef. What would happen if you spent day after day preparing world-class meals for important clients, but never took a bite for yourself? You’d forget what good food really tasted like, and you’d soon starve to death. Studying God’s Word is the same way. We spend tons of time getting ready to serve it to others, and we never take a bite for ourselves.

When we substitute Bible study prep for personal quiet time, our spirituality becomes a professionalized spirituality whereby our relationship with God is tied into our work with students. We become useless, professional Christians. And, we starve to death. No one can survive in the ministry when they’re spiritually starving.

Administrivia
Useless, ineffective, boring meetings quench my spirit, especially the “required” board, elder, building, or planning meetings that always seem to go on forever and never really get anywhere. Very little seems to get accomplished at most of the meetings I attend; rather, they seem designed to help those in attendance feel like they’re actually accomplishing something. I’ve seen churches meet for years about things like buildings and programs, and nothing ever gets done.

One church I know met for over a year to decide what to do about a riding lawn mower. The first several meetings were about whether or not they actually needed a lawn mower. Then, there were meetings about what kind of mower to buy. There were further meetings to decide who could actually use the mower. And, I think there were a few meetings about where to put the mower when it wasn’t being used.

Meetings quench my spirit. Making phone calls gives me the heebie jeebies. Making fliers makes me want to pull my hair out. Sometimes, useful things can come through those activities, but it’s just not how I’m wired.

Honestly evaluate what you’re good at, and what you’re not—what jazzes you up and what feels like drudgery. The nice thing about the Body of Christ is that there are many other members who are good at the things you’re not. With a little effort, you’ll likely be able to find volunteers who will do some of the administrivia that’ll help move your programs and events forward, freeing you to do ministry in a way that feeds your spirit.

Then look at your calendar. Delegate what needs to be done that you can’t do (or really hate doing); cancel stuff if there’s still too much; even ignore stuff if you must. You don’t have to be everywhere all the time. Long haul ministers learn how to serve students, not to be a slave to their calendars.

Seven Years Later
I met Mike one other time—about seven years later, backstage at a National Youth Workers Convention. As I began to re-introduce myself, he smiled and said, “Tim Baker, how are you?”

I was certain at that point that the words he spoke to me years earlier weren’t empty or trite. He meant them.

So, can I pass along Mike’s words to you, and hopefully I mean them as much as he meant them?

In the scheme of God’s plan where you are, God needs you doing what you’re doing. Keep trusting Christ. And, along the way, look for holey-sleeved modern disciples who will encourage you forward. Everything is at stake.

Youth ministry needs people like you. Keep going. Don’t quit.