I know there’s a lot things we could add to this list, like needing everyone’s approval, neglecting the role of the Holy Spirit, pretending to act like someone you’re not, siding with teens against their parents, etc. But there’s one problem that often goes overlooked that will undeniably create very unhealthy relationships with students possibly worse than anything else, and that’s this:

Every adult youth leader needs healthy adult relationships, or their relationships with students will quickly become very unhealthy.

Unfortunately, I’ve seen this story play out too many times. An adult youth leader may not connect well with other adults for any number of reasons: their maturity level isn’t up to par; they felt rejected in high school and now try to find that security in youth group teens; they think being an adult is “uncool”; they look to teens for self-worth; and a host of many other reasons that are related to emotional baggage. The end result is they become a peer for students, not a leader. And students don’t need more peers.

This fall our ministry is launching a couple new high school small groups and I want to make sure our leadership team does all it can to ensure that they are successful and vibrant. So, at our leader meeting last week, I asked the veteran small group leaders leaders to give their input about what works and doesn’t work in our high school small groups — things to avoid, things to do, and issues to watch out for. Based on the feedback from my veteran leaders, here’s a list of some “best practices” we’ve learned over the years: what works, what doesn’t work, and what works best when there are several options.