Here are a few things that I would tell a Pastor if one was to ever ask.  They are in no particular order, and may be found offensive by your typical senior Pastor.  They also might be found offensive by youth pastors.  Do not be offended that I refer to the senior Pastor as a him.  It’s like the him that’s used in the Bible – it encompasses both genders. The other Him I speak of is…well, you know. 

I would tell him that I love God first, Family second and the Youth without end.  I would tell him how important it was that we pray for one other during those staff meetings, and not so much time discussing programming.  I would tell him that I am as much concerned about his vision for church as I am God’s, but that God’s vision was the priority. 

I would tell him that I’m not the enemy.  I could care less about his job and I definitely don’t want it.  That I don’t evaluate my self-worth but who brought in more sheep, but by what God will tell me at the end of the day.  I would tell him that I actually rejoice and celebrate when the community and congregation speak highly of him; and am sorrowful when they are unhappy with him.  I would tell him that we are a team – and that he will be far be the one who is much more level headed than me (another reason why, I’d never be a senior pastor). 

I would tell him that I want him to be pleased if someone comes and joins our ministry because of something I’ve said or done; not look at it as if his job is in danger.  I would tell him, that it is our job together to grow the Kingdom in the name of God. 

I would tell him that if I’m in the office, I’m probably not really working.  I’m doing mundane, administrative things that are simply required of me by the church.  I would tell him that when I’m out of the office, I’m doing my best to fulfill God’s requirement of me – loving kids and seeking out opportunities to share Him with them.  And if I’m in the office, I’m probably uploading youth pics or Facebooking, Myspacing or playing Zoo Tycoon. 

I would tell him that the youth and the elders of the church should be more connected; not treated as two separate churches.  That the elders have so much to offer our youth; and that our youth have so much to offer our elders.  I would tell him to let the two generations serve together – in worship, ministry and missions.

I would tell him that the youth have as many gifts and talents as anyone else in the church and should be involved in every area – from toddlers, to worship; from design to implementation.  I would tell him that it is because of their involvement in the church, that they will respect the church; not reject it.

I would tell him that he should come to youth events – uninvited.  To just show up  - not to evaluate me – but to play unguarded with the students.  That play can take on any form – from wild water games to ultimate Frisbee tournaments; from quiet, contemplative worship and meditation to deeply, engrossing theological debates.  I would tell him that he is always welcome – I shouldn’t have to ask him to come.  And I would tell him, that the students would think he is super cool for having the courage to come.

I would tell him that there is no such thing as a churched or unchurched kid; after all, God doesn’t label them that way and so why should we.  I would tell him that the long hair, multiple piercings, multiple tattoos rock n roller dudes are just as welcome at the church as the “regular” teens – and that in fact, those are my regular teens!  And that kid is demeaning and a baby goat – don’t call them that!

I would tell him that training the parents is his job, not mine.  That it is his job to teach the parents the importance of the youth ministry and its events, bible studies, fundraisers and mission projects.  That it is his job to tell them that the success of the students relationship with Christ is on their shoulders; not mine.  It is his job to tell the parents that I’m not the enemy, and that I simply love their kids as much like Christ as I possibly can.  And that doesn’t mean that I want to raise their kids! 

I would tell him, that financing the youth is just as important as the utility bills of the church and other program areas.  And by the way, not to refer to the youth as a program.  I would remind him that neither of us were called by God to grow the Kingdom because of our fundraising abilities but because of our desire to be Samuel “Speak, Lord, your servant is listening”.  I would tell him that I don’t like fundraisers and I’m not good at it and that I need help.

I would tell him that retreats, ski trips, beach trips and service projects are necessary to bringing students to salvation – even when it looks like it is more fun that spiritual.  I would ask him to trust me on this – it’s just something I really can’t explain about those events and why they work with salvation as well as they do.  I would remind him that for the most part this younger generation doesn’t like the church but that they do love Jesus.  If I’m at a football game, or texting during a staff meeting, or hanging out at the skatepark, it’s because that’s where they are and I have been called to go where they are – not to bring them to me.

I would tell him that it is indeed necessary to buy lunch, sodas, and gas for the students – that I may be the only adult they even trust and if I deny them some simplicities than it will affect our relationship and that sacred trust.  Sounds silly huh.

I would tell him that buying multiple CDS, DVDs, Wiis, and games is actually research for my job.  And that when I’m listening to that really loud, obnoxious secular music, I’m doing it so I understand my students better and the generation as a whole.  I would tell him I probably really don’t like it but not to be too concerned if he sees me “stepping it out” with a group of kids who are listening to that same loud, obnoxious, non-understandable music.  I would tell him that it what it looks like when I’m building a relationship with them – and that yes, I know I can’t dance. 

I would tell him that the church needs to send me to as many training events and conferences and continuing education events as possible in a year – not so much for training and learning.  That it is about my soul and replenishment.  That I really might not learn that much while I’m away, but that when I get back, my soul will be replenished and I will be once again, unstoppable in the quest set forth by God.

I would also tell him that time with my family is more important than the meetings that go on at the church.  I would tell him that time with my family is even more important than the youth – and he will need to hold me accountable and remind me of that when I forget it. 

I would remind him that if we are both going to be in this for the long haul that we will have to watch after each other and be friends as well as team-mates.  That we need to support one another always and to share our disappointment in each other privately.  That we need to pray for each other openly and often, and have fun together as much as possible away from the church.  That he must make sure my soul and spirit are nurtured, and that I must make sure his is as well.

And finally, I will tell him that I love God, I love my family and I love the youth. That those are my priorities and that that is what God has called me to.  To allow my passion for those three things to shine through and that it will help grow the kingdom of God, the size of the youth and the desire of the congregation.  And that by the way, I measure size according to the seekers, doers, believers, not by attendance.  And I would ask him to allow me to be quiet and listen to God from time to time.  That I need to hear God’s desire and follow that; even if it means getting fired for the glory of God.    

With bravado matching that of Charleton Heston--you know that time from the NRA Convention, with that long rifle lifted high into the air--just as he clutched that firearm, so I clutched my copy of Len Kageler's "Youth Minister's Survival Guide", with that "from my cold, dead hands" glint in my eye.

And I burst onto the scene with a "get outta my way and let me show you how its done" attitude.  Unstoppable, uncompromising, and unmatched.

Fast forward to present day....I'm tired.

It's been 13 years so far since the youth ministry world first beheld my glory (or so I thought).  13 years of loving, crying, trying, failing, succeeding, and wondering just how to do this thing called student ministry.

And its along the way that I've learned quite a bit.  Good thing, too. Otherwise I'd have pretty much nothing but a set of love handles to show for the past 13 years. 

One thing I've learned is that its remarkably easy to leave God out while doing things for Him.

Another thing I've learned is that being creative takes longer than imitating, but is way worth it.

Another nugget I've picked up is that I don't work the same in my office as I do at Panera.

Something else I'm reminded of is that loving Jesus equals loving everyone else.  If you can't do that, you're not allowed to follow Him.  His words, not mine. 

I've come to embrace my slowness.  Not slow as in dumb, just slow as in...slow.

I'm pretty sure that I've recently left the realm where I had any chance of being cool.  And that's o.k. with me.

I also learned that when I park my car in a certain area of the church parking lot, and I take my skateboard out of my trunk, I don't even have to take one step to reach the front door, about 100 yards away.

I also have found that not only do I enjoy writing, but it seems a few other people enjoy my writing, too.  And I've found ways to use that for the Kingdom.  Pretty cool.

I also have learned that when things aren't right at home, ain't nothin' right.

These are just a few of the things I've found true in the past 13 years of fulltime student ministry.

Before & After

Ministering Outside the Lesson

            As leaders of youth, one of the things we work hardest at is preparing and delivering our lessons.  While it’s true that the content of our teaching is pivotal in providing students with information which (hopefully) leads to transformation, there is so much more to ministering to teens than hitting a home-run during your teaching time.  In fact, much more can be accomplished in the unplanned time of your gathering if you are aware of the opportunities and make the most of them.

            If your meetings are like most, there is plenty of “down time” as students arrive.  You’re waiting for everyone to get there, people run late, you’re eating donuts or playing a game.  How can you maximize this time?

            Similarly, when the lesson is over and it’s time to go, a lot of times you have kids lingering around for some time.  There’s always a kid or two around later than others waiting for their ride.  Perhaps you even are in the habit of giving one or more kids a ride home.  Are you doing ministry or babysitting during this time?

            The time before and after the meeting is a great time to minister to students.  Below are just a few practical ways to make the most of every opportunity to influence a student for Christ.

·        Build Relationships…instead of sitting back and letting kids talk to one another, involve yourself in the conversation. Don’t be rude, but ask questions about their week, find out more about their families, gain a deeper knowledge of who they are. Not only will this help you get to know them, but they’ll get to know you better, too. Plus, it will give you some good direction towards relevant teaching when you know what’s going on in the student’s lives.

·        Give Encouragement…as you involve yourself in the lives of students, there will be plenty of opportunity to build students up.  Make it a goal to compliment the student who doesn’t get noticed that much.  If you’ve read in the paper or heard from a parent about an accomplishment of one of your students, pass them a card or simply acknowledge their success and give them a high-five. It will show you care about them.

·        Counsel…when you’re hanging back with a student and they start asking questions, capitalize on the time and share Scriptures with them that apply to their situation. Take a few moments to share about a similar time in your life. Help them however you can—they’ll appreciate it way more than your lesson (and that’s okay!).

·        Pray…what if your before and after times looked more like a prayer vigil and less like a cookie eating contest? What if instead of telling a student you’re sorry about a situation in their life you just took the time to pause and pray with them? These “random” acts of prayer will be long remembered as an act of caring by you, and it teaches the student that when they’re going through a hard time they can pray about it.

·        Connect Unconnected Kids…before a meeting is a great time to introduce new students to the regulars. Help them discover things that they have in common, and make sure the end result is a comfortable room.

·        Creatively Support Your Teaching…make before and after part of the lesson. Instead of thinking of teaching as a lesson that takes 30 minutes to cover, think of it as experiential learning that starts when students walk in the door.  If you’re going to be talking about purity and guarding your heart for marriage, set up a security entrance in the doorway.  We tried this once and it worked great.  It made kids wonder what was coming next, and while it didn’t make sense to them when it was going on they connected it later during the teaching time (for the record, it was not my idea, so I can’t take credit for it if you like it!).

One disclaimer—never, under any circumstances, give a member of the opposite sex a ride home by yourself.  If you’re forced to counsel someone of the opposite sex make sure you are within sight of other people. In today’s world, it’s important that the Church stay above reproach in these sensitive areas of ministry.

There are probably other ways to give heightened effectiveness to the moments before and after your meetings begin.  Sit down and brainstorm a few ways in your context that you can stretch your ministry out from lesson time to all the time.  You’ll come up with some great stuff and the results will be amazing!

Check out more at www.teensundayschool.com

  Seldom had I seen a group of high school students focused at one time on their relationship with Christ, on their journey with their Savior. The prayer time started and it was pretty evident that we were in the midst of a very special, spiritual moment. After we had prayed for one student in the middle of the circle, I heard a commotion at the entrance to the room.

  The door opened and in walked one of our female students with a super soaker. The high school boys were stunned, silent, not really knowing what was happening. She walked around the circle, spraying each of us with water. The boys sat still, not knowing what to do. Eventually, she got them mad enough to start to chase her from the room. As soon as that happened, several girls came running into the room, super soakers on full blast, silly string flying all over the place. A very reverent, holy moment was replaced by utter chaos.

  A fifteen minute water and silly string fight ensued as I slumped down into my chair, wondering how such a moment could be so wholly ruined. The fight moved outside where water hoses were used to replace the super soakers. I nearly cried as I was left in the room alone, stunned.

  To be honest, I was incredibly angry at first. I got up from my chair and began to pick up gobs of silly string in righteous indignation, muttering under my breath. Then, God began to get through my thick skull. This was life for these students. This was spirituality lived out in the messiness of the world. Our prayer life, our spiritual life, was not a moment carved out on a Sunday night. It is life. Ministry, prayer, life, is about the interruptions that always come along. It is about the sacred moments of laughter and pain, of hopes and fears, of dreams and disappointments.

  The silly string allowed me to see a prayer life that is richer and deeper and more real. It allowed me to realize that our intimacy with Christ is lived out moment by moment, even in the craziness of the world, even in the unexpected events of the day. As I picked up the gobs of silly string, I began to pray for each student, for each leader, for my own walk. The silly string reminded me of His love. Of His craziness. Of His deep, intimate and abiding love in each of our lives.

  Eventually, the fight died down, and the boys made their way back into the room, a little wetter, a little more energetic than before. We restarted the prayer time—with a different perspective, I think. No, restarted is not the right word. The water and silly string fight were somehow part of the prayer time. We didn’t restart it. We continued it. God does have a sense of humor. I think He was pleased that night. I think He laughed with us. I know He smiled down as His children were living out life in wonderful and unexpected ways.

One of my favorite phrases is “the breath of God” or “God breathed life into”.  The image of a lifeless creature being filled with the exuberant breath of God invigorates me.  The question is…when am I allowing God to give me that exuberant breath of life?  When am I stopping to let the breath of God bring me all that it has to fill me? 

As I return to ministry, I am a single parent this time.  I find that all the things I did before I went back to work…the cleaning, the laundry, the house maintenance, the grocery shopping, the finances are all still waiting for me to do them.  I must now fit my full time ministry into my full time single parenthood and still find time to breath.  This is a challenge.  After only 5 weeks of work, I am finding myself adjusting, re-prioritizing, letting things go, but not much time for breathing.  Not much time to just be with my own children…my days are too short now.  I also find myself wondering if I can manage ministry of work and ministry of family alone.  I’m glad that I do have God to lean on in these days…I may not be stopping for a lot of deep breaths, but I do know I lean with my trust that this is my service to God.  I try to remember how the bird doesn’t worry where its meal is coming from…it just happens…God just does it.

God just does it. 

God just does it.

Do I have to stop or do I just have to breathe?

I have spent much time in reflection and prayer and at times, have even thought "maybe it was me".  However, now I Know that God was preparing me for such a time as this (funny, i think there's a scripture there).  

Now I try to figure out exactly what my future will hold only to be told constantly by my husband -"why are you asking now, you never cared before".  hmmmmm - I hate it when he quotes me.  So I guess I'll just spend more time in prayer and discernment.

I'm taking on sub jobs at the schools, which while it pays little to nothing, is so much fun!  I'm even looking into trying for the teacher certification - after all, I have a degree in youth ministry!  Surely I can teach secular stuff as well.  And I've decided that now is the time, that I put effort and faith into YoungLife.  I think that God wants that type of outreach ministry in our small town.  

Next week is a big meeting and I'm preparing like crazy.  More on that another night!