In the world of Christian performing arts there have always been people who take their love of Jesus to extreme lengths. There are more than a few Christian Power Builder tours out there—giant-sized men (and women) who break large blocks of cement with their heads while the MC gets the crowd to chant “Smash Satan! Smash Satan!”

There are one or two Christian skateboarding tours. I’ve seen a few Christian Motorcycle jumpers and dozens of Christian magicians.

Perhaps one of the greatest Christian performers not just of ours but of ANY generation was a man by the name of Bob Schwartz. Bob was born to Jewish parents in Hungry but converted to Christianity when he came to America in l969.

He changed his name to Bob Sommers and when he entered the field of Christian theatrical arts, he changed it again to Derek Jump. The banners on the side of his truck read Derek “Flyboy” Jump.

Derek had a parachute that looked like a giant pair of Jesus hands  (complete with the stigmata piercing). He had a series of black and white cords tying him into the harness which could be practically invisible from the ground on a sunny day. (Which is usually the best time to jump for pay. You kind of like people to see you.)
 
Derek called this parachute the “Hands of God” and although everybody certainly knew it was a parachute it was visually stunning to see a man jump out of a plane and two large “Christ-like” hands unfold and safely lower him to the ground. Some said that when Derek got closer to the ground and the cords were visible he looked like a giant marionette puppet. But his reviews were generally good in Christian magazines and television programs. (All of which were local back in the seventies.)

The show went like this: A man on the ground would introduce Derek who would give his testimony about the life he lead prior to finding Jesus. (This testimony, while sincere, was mostly the work of a writer named Doris Clyburn whom Derek met when he arrived in the U.S.) Derek would then talk about how close he had come to ending it all and giving up all hope. He would then cue the sound man who would play a tape through the loud speakers at stadiums and airfields. Derek would jump aboard a waiting plane and take off. Timing was off the essence because there was no way to hear the sound from the plane once they were airborne. Derek would leap from the plane at the precise moment when the story on the ground conveyed Derek plummeting into the black abyss of sin and debauchery.  The music would surge just as folks on the ground could see the man-shaped speck in the sky.  Choirs would sing and the "Hands of God" would open and save poor Derek from becoming pavement pizza.

On the weekend of July 4th in l977, Derek “Flyboy” Jump took his last leap from a plane. It was a clear but windy day and Derek announced to the crowd that he was sorry but he felt the weather conditions were too severe for the show. One man in the audience who had driven more than a hundred miles for the show hollered out that Derek must not have any faith in the REAL hands of Jesus and that he was a hypocrite. Derek allowed his anger to override his judgment and proceeded with the show.

The departure from the plane was right on time but upon deploying the 'chute, the wind carried Derek and his “hands of Christ” away from the fairgrounds and to a neighboring city some five miles away.
 
Derek crashed through an auto dealership billboard on Interstate 65. The parachute gently floated down and partially covered the billboard giving the appearance that the hands of Christ were giving a sort of “kitchy kitchy koo” tickle to a baby-faced portrait of a used car salesman who thought he could boost his sales with his own picture.

This image appeared in countless newspapers with Derek’s unconscious body hanging beneath. The salesman in question, whose name was George Price (yes, Price), was given the nickname of The Man Jesus Tickled and sometimes just Baby-Face.

People came to his used car lot not to purchase autos but to see if they could tickle George’s many chins as Jesus' hands had done. This went on for 2 years.
 
Finally unable to control his rage any longer, George hauled off and punted a small terrier dog across the lot and into the side of a 1966 Buick. 

The dog had accompanied a woman named Irene to the lot. (Ironically, Irene Watson was actually there to buy a car and was also the sister of Bob Schwartz. She had followed her brother to America but had never located him on account of the name change.) She never knew of her brother’s career as a Paratrooper for Jesus. In fact, she never saw him again.

The Terrier, whose name was Sweetums, did not survive the incident and Irene Watson sued George Price Motors and became one of the first females to own an auto dealership in the northeastern part of the United States. She renamed the dealership Happy Motors.

BUT Derek “Flyboy” Jump did NOT DIE in the accident. He broke both of his legs and was rushed to a hospital where he eventually fell in love with and married his nurse Shelia.

Derek, who despite trusting the hands of Jesus, had insured his act “out the proverbial wazooo” and collected enough money for he and Shelia to live comfortably for the rest of their lives. Shelia pursued her dream of becoming a commercial artist and designed a billboard for Happy Motors depicting the company mascot … a happy terrier named Sweetums.*





* Everything is made up except for...well...yeah, it's pretty much all made up.