I've done a lot of thinking about life, love, and relationships since part 1 of this blog was posted.  I thought about my own marriage, taught a  class to our marriage mentors who want to help premarital couples and couples with marriage in crisis.  I even went back and reread Sacred Marriage, I really like that book.  Again, it teaches the same thing.  Being the right person is more important than finding the right person. 

First, lets all agree that finding someone with whom you have chemistry is great and all.  I have no objections to that.  But finding your "soulmate" does not mean your marriage will last forever.  I know quite a few divorced folks and not a one of them told me, "yeah I knew it wouldn't last forever but I decided to give it a go any way."  No, instead they, like almost everyone, thought this feeling would never end.  They assumed the chemistry they felt would last forever and their relationship would be the same forever.  Unfortunately, the chemistry does wear off.  Scientists have shown that the chemicals that produce these feelings can last as long as two years, and in some cases longer.  Alas, if enough time passes they do wear off and "love" has to be found in another way. 

When a person says they have fallen out of love with their spouse I almost gag.  The chemistry wore off and they did not choose to remain close.  Don't agree?  Ask any couple who has been married for a long time how they managed to stay together.  You will find that they had to choose "us" (the relationship) over "me" (selfishness) time and time again.  How about people who had arranged marriages?  Did they have a chance to test the chemistry?  No.  But I do know several couples who are happily married. (I don't know too many)  They truly love each other.  They stay together by choosing the relationship over selfishness. 

When we look at the marriage relationship we can see that God gives us a great model.  He shows us what a faithful spouse is like by His relationship with his people.  This can be seen in the book of Hosea.

The book of Hosea is filled with the symbolism of marriage.  Marriage is examined in this prophetic book from every angle. Not only is the relationship as a whole pictured in Hosea, the perspective of the husband is examined.  The fruit of the relationship, the children, also prove to be significant.  Other aspects of the marriage relationship, love, devotion, faithfulness, unfaithfulness, pursuit, and several others are featured in this minor prophetic book. 

Perhaps the most important contribution of Hosea is the explicit use of marriage as a metaphor between Yahweh and his people. While few people can fathom the fact that God told Hosea to "take yourself a wife of harlotry" (Hosea 1:2 NASB) I imagine even fewer people are able to understand how a prophet obeyed his orders.  Nevertheless, God's messenger took an adulterous bride and provided an example for all of Israel and Judah to see a concrete image of how the covenant between God and His people was working contrasted with how it should work.  At the heart of Hosea's message is Israel's covenant relationship with their Lord. This book focuses on the relationship of God and His people, but in that message believers can learn much about how a marriage relationship should work. 

When I look to Hosea as an example for marriage I see that God is concerned with his people and their faithfulness to him just as a husband should be concerned with his spouse's fidelity.  As the Lord shows in 6:4 & 6 He is ultimately concerned with faithfulness, even over outward appearances.  A personal relationship is the spotlight of the relationship.  Everything begins with the "knowledge of God" and goes out from there.  Certainly, more that just intellectual knowledge is required but wisdom given by God about God that includes obedience.  So it is with husbands and wives, the focus of a marriage must be a healthy, intimate relationship wrought through obedience and mutual submission.  Repentance is also a major factor in a relationship.  Hosea 6:1 & 11, 7:10, and 12:7 demonstrate that repentance is important to God and, therefore, should also be a key ingredient in a marriage.  The fact that God, the Holy One, is able, willing, and even wanting His people to accept the turning and repentance of His people should prompt people to be able to do the same.  Mutual loyalty is the best way, as shown in 3:3, when speaking about a marriage relationship and a relationship with God.

The pursuit of His people by God should also indicate how a Christian must behave while in a marriage relationship.  "Anthropotropism" is the term used when God actively pursues man, or "turns toward" mankind. God demonstrates the ability to pursue a less-than-desirable lover, but He continues to do so out of intense love.  Likewise, we should pursue our spouses with a similar intensity and fervor out of love for them.  Along those same lines, love is always preferred over punishment when repentance is shown.  Pursuit does have its limits though, but those limits should be far-reaching and hard to break.

The last consideration from marriage in Hosea is the pain.  Few consider the pain in adultery. Gomer caused huge pain for Hosea, not to mention their children, by her adulterous actions.  Betrayal is compared to a disease in chapter 5 and brings horrible consequences and punishment to all parties involved.  The faithful lover suffers more than the unfaithful partner.  This thought should cause concern for anyone considering unfaithfulness because of the pain and torment that it causes even years after the act is over.  Infidelity brings shame on the family.  This seen through the story of Hosea, and especially true for the prophets children.  It should be noted that while overcoming an offense of this magnitude is incredibly hard, it is not impossible. While husbands are right in exacting full retribution, only to what the law allows, this is not the best course of action. I see an incredible example as Hosea goes and buys back his wife to take her back.  Moreover, the I understands that God prompted him to do so.  This causes me to see that it is God's nature to forgive and should be ours as well.