I know there’s a lot things we could add to this list, like needing everyone’s approval, neglecting the role of the Holy Spirit, pretending to act like someone you’re not, siding with teens against their parents, etc. But there’s one problem that often goes overlooked that will undeniably create very unhealthy relationships with students possibly worse than anything else, and that’s this:

Every adult youth leader needs healthy adult relationships, or their relationships with students will quickly become very unhealthy.

Unfortunately, I’ve seen this story play out too many times. An adult youth leader may not connect well with other adults for any number of reasons: their maturity level isn’t up to par; they felt rejected in high school and now try to find that security in youth group teens; they think being an adult is “uncool”; they look to teens for self-worth; and a host of many other reasons that are related to emotional baggage. The end result is they become a peer for students, not a leader. And students don’t need more peers.

There are certain themes repeated over and over, season after season, on NBC’s The Biggest Loser weight-loss reality show. One of those themes used to really rub me wrong way—the idea that contestants like me needed to put ourselves first, to make ourselves the priority, and to stop worrying so much about others.

We were literally told to be selfish, that it was “our turn now.” To my ears that sounded like such an un-Christian and un-pastoral value, something of the world and reality TV—and certainly not of God. And I just didn’t get its connection to weight loss. Why couldn’t I be selfless and healthy at the same time?

Sure is nice to get respect. Having a PhD, teaching at a Christian college for 20 years, and looking a little gray in the few places I still have hair all make it easier to get respect than when I began in youth ministry 33 years ago. Back then, I was trying to grow facial hair just to gain a little stature. It didn't work.

Feels good to drive a car that's not an embarrassment. Heck, I remember coming back into YFC after getting my masters degree, having no money to work with, and buying a $25, 18-year-old station wagon that lasted for a year. My Trailblazer is definitely a step up.

This fall our ministry is launching a couple new high school small groups and I want to make sure our leadership team does all it can to ensure that they are successful and vibrant. So, at our leader meeting last week, I asked the veteran small group leaders leaders to give their input about what works and doesn’t work in our high school small groups — things to avoid, things to do, and issues to watch out for. Based on the feedback from my veteran leaders, here’s a list of some “best practices” we’ve learned over the years: what works, what doesn’t work, and what works best when there are several options.

You are a great teacher. You are a great Bible teacher. But unfortunately, your senior pastor is not. At least not enough to keep the teens' attention. Between worship songs that are older and unfamiliar and/or your pastor's style of preaching and/or other reasons which you know, your youth may not get much out of church.

Since your role as the youth worker is to bridge the parents to the youth and to bridge the youth to the church family, here are some ways to help your youth engage during "adult church."

I looked the doctor in his eyes. His words were weighty, and what he said made me shake in my shoes. “There is a problem.”

When I became a parent of a special-needs child, I wonder if God was speaking through the doctor that day. I wonder if God meant me to hear, “There’s an opportunity here.” In fact, I’m almost certain of that.

What are we trying to achieve in youth ministry? What is our goal? What should youth ministry look like? Only by answering these questions can we set our compass and set off in the right direction.

Here I'll share four insights which have helped me chart my own course in youth work.

Lately I feel like I’ve been driving a ticking time bomb.

I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I live with the constant, nagging feeling that I’m on the verge of something bad with my car. I have two hopes—that it won’t be today, and even better, that the check-engine light will turn off, and whatever it is lurking below the hood of my car will magically get better on its own.

But you’d think I’d know better. I once destroyed an engine by ignoring that little red light of doom. I kept hoping the problem would go away. Instead I ended up on the side of a road with a smoking, very dead car.

Most of us are more than a little uncomfortable talking with parents of kids in our youth ministries about sex, especially when we’re talking about their own kids’ sexual behaviors. This free excerpt from the newly-updated Good Sex 2.0 curriculum will help you design a 90-minute meeting with parents to help promote great conversations about sex—both in your meeting and in their homes.

Longevity-something every rookie youth pastor strives to achieve in only one church during his or her lifetime.